This post is not necessarily about running, but about life and how we never know where the road will really take us. I’m writing this on the eve of my birthday after receiving a text from my husband that doesn’t say happy birthday….. it says, “I’m done.”
There a saying in the running world that most runners are either running from something or running to something. For me, I think I’m running from something to something.
Although I thought life was humming along, I was actually avoiding the elephant in the room, and it was big.
In 2006, I married my good friend Bruce. He was what I needed at that point in my life and I was what he needed. We took our friendship to the next level and decided to marry. I had a few reservations but those were overcome with security, comfort, and his maturity, especially compared to what I’d experienced previously.
Initially, we worked together and played together. It was nice having a calm and sensitive companion. We traveled, played golf, bought a home in the sunshine and thought we were happy. There was a 12 year age difference between us and an even greater physical age gap. I thought I would be ok giving up my very active nature in return for stability and love. I did still try to do some active things, but they were always by myself. Golf became our only joint activity.
As the years went by, I grew more restless and he grew more sedentary. The gap widened both between our physical ages and our relationship. After trying many times to engage him in activities that I knew he could still do, he chose not to and I had most of my fun by myself. Soon we were like two people, living side by side, in the same house, except when he traveled. And, when he was gone, my life was really no different.
Running gave me time to think…or maybe it was a time out from thinking and feeling. Who knows. But through it, I realized it was a marriage I no longer wanted. That was very difficult to admit. Failing twice? Hurts.
So, today is my birthday. And who am I spending it with? My two best running friends. Where is my husband? He is in another state contemplating the end of our marriage. My running has definitely taken me from something to something. It’s a frightening road but I think, sadly, it’s the right road.
